I’m Perfectly trained to work in the emergency department perfectly. I mean I have focus I have attention I have squirrel There is so much money in the colon! You just go with the scope, and you take it out You know what I’m driving? Look outside Lexus! Family medicine it’s the apex you seem an ape X you see what I did there That’s family medicine smart at the fuck. I’m about to walk in the room, and I’m supremely confident I know this patient can hurt me on Yelp, but I’m confident because I’ve seen this before it is scabies 100% hundred– well, it’s 80% likely escapees it could it could easily be herpes Or it could be another rash or it could be gout it could always be gout that’s it yeah You know if it isn’t gout, then maybe it’s plaque psoriasis, okay? I may be 70% confident about what my confidence level is on this confidence. I’m just gonna refer to derm, okay Turns out it wasn’t even a skin problem I I think the person have diabetes, but that’s what endocrine’s for! FAMILY MEDICINE, BITCH! Hundred thousand carrots in debt, and it’s so I still live at home with my moms Mom, shut it! I’m doing an interview! Everybody confused me with optometrist. I’m like no no no no no no They’re the ones who go number one or number two number one or number two number one I get to do the fun stuff like say, “I am so sorry, Mrs. Johnson.” “You are going to go blind.” And don’t forget to pay the copay! People with addiction are always trying to lie to me they don’t understand I got a nose on me. I can smell your lies, okay Well, I smell you every day in the doctors lounge they’re like what is smelling of poo and I’m like It is me Just because you’re a dog, and I’m a dog doesn’t mean we’re dogs, okay, dog Mama poop and daddy poop back in Bangladesh. They are so proud of me They are like you are fishing the diamonds out of the buttocks every day! my dad is always telling everyone back home “Have you seen little poops house?” “4,000 square foot…” “With a bidet!” Do you like what the poo’s got cooking? Lexus!