*Sick, gravley voice* Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier And welcome to Amateur Surgeon: Christmas Edition Now I vaguely remember trying to play this game in the past But I don’t think I ever actually made a video out of it So that’s exactly what I’m going to be doing. I’ve never really played these games But I can only imagine that it functions in a similar way *takes breath* that surgeon simulator does. You’re a surgeon, by the name of Doctor Alan Probe- Oh shit *game screams* *game dings as words pop up* Oh OH JEEZ OH! OH GOD! Oh okay! Why did that have to happen? (Reading dialogue) “Stupid North Pole! No one told me they had to drive on the wrong side of the sky here! Hey, why are the presents everywhere? Is anybody here? Oh, that guy in the tree looks bad. I wonder if my tools are- crash Dammit! Oh well there must be loads of things around here that I can use.” (Commentating) Oh okay, we’re going right into it. Alright Nice… boobs? I think. Alright whatever. So this is Amateur Surgeon. It’s a bit quiet in here but good thing I’ve put in some Christmas music to lighten the mood. (Starts playing Christmas music to lighten the mood) And also I’m very festive because that’s exactly how these twelve days of Christmas are gonna go. So let’s get started because I’ve got nothing better to do with my time. (Reading dialogue) “What the hell are you doing?” (Commentating) I- honestly I have no idea.(Reading dialogue) “Don’t worry, I’m a surgeon! If you get nervous while I’m working, just ask me to pause.” I can tell you about injuries or tools I’m using, okay?” “Uhh! Deal.” “Okay! First I need to extract these items! I’ve only got this grabber, so hold still!” (Commentating) Yeah that seems safe *game screams* Sorry! (Reading dialogue) “Once I’m done, I’ll tape you up…” (Commentating) Okaaay Yeah this is kinda like a lot of surgeon games that I’ve played. Kinda like that super- super uhh Wii game that I’ve played in the past oh my go- *game screams again* (Reading dialogue) “and soothe the pain”? (Commentating) Wait was I- did I miss something here? (the game is constantly screaming from Mark’s messing up) (Reading dialogue) “A wire? It looks like it’s attached to something in your body! Maybe I can find out more if I zap it.” (Commentating) Yeah that’s probably a good idea *zapping noise* (Reading dialogue) “That sounds like a bad idea!” (Commentating) Yeah I’m kinda with you on that but I already did something. Sorry. I dunno what’s with the glowing lights Oh you have- oh I know Okay so using the duct tape Something like that Burn ’em? Sorry! Sorry!! SORRY!!! What am I- am I doing something wrong!? Ohh okay Alright I got this okay Then I burn it…
*Scream* No?
*Scream again* No?! Well I’m fucking up royally here I’m sorry buddy even though you were apparently just talking to me you’re probably gonna die Can’t be helped Dammit come on! *game flat lines* WELP apparently it’s discovered that I’m a very bad doctor that likes to kill people And nurse, would you kindly shut the fuck up and try to help me here instead of being a sack of shit that dies on me?! Yeah I fucked up there but that’s okay because I wasn’t really ready to do anything I was just gonna get on my way and try to fix this goddamn elf oh I needed more taaaaape Is that what I needed? Oh *Realization* Ooohhhhh It wasn’t clooosed enough Ah! Soooothing Oh that’s nice! Oh that’s real nice! Oh I’m doing great! Okay. Habooski! Alright, does this help? That didn’t fucking help a goddamn thing. What is that supposed to do? Knife? Oh! Ooooh I got it. Ohhhh UUUUUUH Okay I’m getting the hang of it now I’m getting the hang of this Burn (x4) because for some reason this is a good idea Blam blam balamba balamba my lanta Alright. I’m going in? Wait why am I going in?! Nurse why am I going in?! Oh that’s not riiight Oh that’s not right at all Eugh That seems bad Eugh. (Reading dialogue) “I’ll use the drill, then trace the red section away…” (Commentating) What? Oh this seems like a bad ide- well I fucked up that one I have no idea what I’m doing *game flat lines* My patient was burned alive? Why was his heart on fire and why was he able to talk to me if his heart was on fuckin’ fire?!?! Nurse why didn’t you get me a magical goddamn patient?! GODDAMN IT NURSE SHUT THE FUCK UP NURSE SHUD UB NURS AMMA GODDAMN DOCTOR!!!!! Alright let’s try this again oh no oh no come on come on live you bastard… live! Live you bastard!! Live you basta- goddamn it damn it damn it damn it!! Why’s it fucking impossible? Okay if the patient’s burned alive then maybe there’s some way to put out the fire. OHHH that-that’s amazing! There’s a-there’s a fucking guy! Oooooohhhh I didn’t know that Ohhh that’s fuck- there’s a guhduh- aaaahhhhh shit hfueifirhfih fuckin’… ahh fuck See I didn’t- I didn’t know that Ah burns are being caused by the fire You put the fire out by sucking up blood and blowing it at it Ohhh amma suck up this blood then I’m gonna blow it Oh that’s so smart the f- Oh my god! The fire! It’s out! That’s fucking incredible Oh my god this is so much easier! Than racing the fucking clock trying to do the other bullshit that I was doing Oohh this is so much easier Alright so now I got that And then I fix it up with pixie dusk And then I put that there and then I- fix this shit Fuckin’ carve this bullshit out of here Fuckin’ suck up the blood Blast blood there Put that out, pixie dust those AHh there we go okay there we go I gotta get it in segments Before I’m able to do this shit This is easy Because it’s done! Yessszzzzz Oh my god that’s so much easier now that I actually know what I’m supposed to be doing I WAS SPENDING FOREVER ON THAT! NURSE WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL MEEE!?! WHHHYYYYY? owwww Well now that I know what I’m supposed to do “What the hell are you doing?” “Some crazy jerk on a sled pulled by a bunch of flying dogs leaped right out in front of me!” “You idiot! Those are reindeer! That was Santa!” “What are you talking about? Oh no…” “Oh crap! I hit santa! Uh, so what do we do now?” YAY That fucking took forever I’m gonna try to do one more mission Mincer? “Where’s Santa? Is he okay?” “I think one of the flying dogs got sucked into my jet engines and he crashed” “You killed one of the reindeer?” “It might be alive! It’s just over by the jets. Well, bits of it anyway” “OH MY GOD! Mincer!! You have to save him!” EUGH MiI don’t wanna save Mincer Mincer looks like he’s seen better days. Ohhh boy OOHh I don’t wanna do this( “Guess I’ll just have to piece this together as I go” I guess I will then Okay. How- HOW IS THERE HEART BREATHING Oh god Oh god Oh that’s not good. Oh! Okay EEEEgh GEEEgh Is this thing gonna be alive after I’m done? I don’t think I wanna know that I have these magical powers Oh boy Oh boy “if I don’t have the right part, I’ll just have to use a substitute” Ayah! Oh okay! Oh! Oh alright! Oh Okay Alright Ohh boy Ohhh boy h-h-how is this- how is this still alive? eeeEEEEeee This goes here, this goes there, that goes there, this goes over here Yeesh Nurse, you might want to look away for this one Ohhh this dog’s seen better days! Oh it’s a bad day for this doggy We missing something? It’s a hidey hole. There it is. Okay got it! Whooooo. Oh boy. I dunno if I wanna be a part of this This seems like something that’s a diabolical experiment from hell And I don’t think I want- oooh I don’t wanna know where that goes (I think we all know what he meant by that hehe….) Is it a leg? Ohh it’s a leg Euugh why does Rudolph need a goddamn- oh there’s- right over there’s Rudolph’s ass Ohhhhhoohhhohoh yeeeeegh Okay. Alright then. Let’s go in Whoo boy Whooooo boy Yeah you know it’s a bad sign when everything I do needs to be burned on Whoa boy I don’t even wanna know what this is. Is this PVC piping I’m using as either artery or intestine?(Yes) Either way it’s grotesque and I should feel bad about it But somehow I only feel empowered by it Least this one’s going a bit smoother than the last one What is that? What is that? Is that a vacuum? Am I using a vacuum as a substitute? Why? Is that even a living thing? Oh god I- I don’t know where this one goes Oh boy that’s not it. The tail? Stop. StOp. STOP STOOPP GODDAMN IT I WAS FUCKING- I WAS AT THE FUCKING GODDAMN END I WAS AT THE FUCKING END!!! You’re gonna do that to me at the end??? WHEN I’M AT THE FUCKING END AFTER I GO THROUGH ALL THE OTHER BULLSHIT EXCUSE MY PREPUBESCENT VOICE BUT WHAT THE FUUCKKK???? EAT A DICK!!! Oh it’s a- fu- the fucking bolt’s in the goddamn leg OH I’M AN IDIOT NURSE WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME BE AN IDIOT?? I should just blame you for my problems!! “Now I just need a conductor and to give it some juice” that was my fucking fault Just going up its ass? Yup that went up its ass! Alright let’s give ‘er some juice! “…now I just have to complete the circuit” The fuck? Oh! *constipated grunting* “HOONK GLUUUURCK” oH BOy “He’s up and running! I’d say that’s pretty impressive even if it’s a bit Frankenstein” “HOOONK UUUNK” “He’s trying to tell us something!” “What is it boy? Did somebody fall down the well?” “You idiot! He can sense where Santa is!” “We have to follow him!” How is the elf not questioning why this is horrible? “But there’s something you’ll need to do first…” I mean- the elf doesn’t question that this is horrible and that somehow I as a doctor am able to bring a horribly mangled body to life? Oh my god my voice is just fucking gone That is all for Amateur Surgeon: Christmas Edition I don’t know what kind of hellhole alternate reality this all takes place in But it’s horrible and they should feel bad about what they’re doing here *Initiate outro music* But either way I had fun Hope you did too. I hope to have my video- my voice- my voice back to 100% by next video But we don’t know Maybe it will, maybe it won’t But thank you everybody so much for watching, and as always, I will see you in the next video. BYE-BYE Outro music (Crazy La Paint by Minimusicman)