– Wait, no, I thought I was
here to talk about my problems. – Yes, heterosexuality is a problem. (big bang) (tense menacing music) Today you’re here for
straight conversion therapy. We are of the opinion that heterosexuality is a mental illness and an addiction that we need to work through. – I know that, like, in middle school I, like, you know, had
some boy crazy moments, but I didn’t think it was that bad. – Let’s talk about your childhood. What we’ve typically found
is that there is some sort of childhood trauma that
has made you straight. – Um, no. – You don’t think so. – I’ve always been straight. – Watching my parents have
a loving relationship. – Four or five years old, I
got a little bit of reputation on the shool yard for
being a heartbreaker. – Like I was always just
attracted to females, that’s just… – Hmm, that doesn’t make
any sense to me at all. – I know. – There must have been some trauma that you can’t remember then that we’re going to have to bring out here in these therapy sessions. I like to tell moms: if
you don’t hug your sons some other woman will. (laughs) – I mean, I don’t think that’s the case. – So what I’d like to do
is I’d like to examine these heterosexual urges you feel. I’ve pulled up a picture of a woman here and I want you to take a look at it. I have here a picture of a man. – Well, it’s Mila Kunis. She is stunning. – She is wearing an
especially busty dress. – Oh my God, I feel like
I look at this picture and I instantly blush (laughs). – And he has a little, like,
nice tan, secret under– Ahh, my lo– What? – Ahh! – The goal of aversion therapy is to introduce a negative stimulus. In the future, when you see a man you might associate this
negative stimulus with that– – With you springing water on me? – Okay, so, when I think about hot guys I’m just gonna get wet. So that’s what you just
did to me (laughs). – It seems like it’s doing
more permanent mental harm. – I don’t think you
springing me with water is going to prevent me from wanting to make out with Zac Efron. – Do we need to try like shocking you? – Oh, I think this is kind of bull (beep). – Okay, so finally I wanna try some behavioral change therapy. If we encourage homosexual behavior then the feelings might follow. – I mean, okay. – Do you have a cat? – Oh yeah, lots of cats. – Okay, you’re basically
halfway there already. You should go home and maybe watch Brokeback
Mountain a couple of times. – Okay (laughs). – Invite your manfriend over
and just see what happens. – I’m not trying to like
hook up with a dude. – How many flannel shirts? – Maybe like four, for the winter. – That’s pretty good. I would recommend maybe
getting one or two more just so you have like one
for every day of the week, you know. – Okay. – It sounds like it’s
really expensive to be gay. – Maybe try taking up
wrestling as a sport. See how that works. – What’s gay about wrestling? – I am a l… – Likable person! – So I have one more question for you. Are you gay now? Did it work? – No. – Everything you have said to me today has had zero effect on my sexuality. – I like who I like. That’s pretty much all there’s to it. – Reparative therapy views
most same-sex attractions as reparations for childhood trauma. – I would be pretty offended
if someone were to say, “You are just straight, because
you probably got molested “when you were a kid.” – I think it’s a little
(beep) up to just assume that everyone who is gay had
like a traumatic childhood. – Beginning in the 1930s
aversion technics were used to eliminate or diminish
an undesired response by repeatedly pairing
the undesired response with an unpleasant condition. So basically, they are zapping people whenever they look at naked
people of the same gender. – I think it would make
you afraid to have feelings about anything. I don’t think that would,
like, make you straight. – I don’t think it really works. I don’t think people should be doing it. It’s probably just more harmful. – I don’t see how it could work. (hopeful music) – It’s here! It’s here! – (shouting) It’s here! – It’s here! – It’s here! Get it! – Get it!
– Get it! – There!
– There! – I think they got it. Get it! – Yeah, you get it! – It’s here!